From Nomads To Mads

One of the earlier nomadic settlers even before the U.A.E. came into existence. The Balushis, can be more better identified as the most laziest tribe on this planet. Their origin comes back from Baluchistan, a land from where they themselves have been deprived off. More than 50% of the U.A.E. locals are Balushis, yet more than 80% of them do not reveal their true identity.

A very famous saying goes among them, “A Baluch never does slavery”. Whether they are told to do something for a living or given a task in life to do, they come up saying this dialogue. The most important thing they do in life is, doing nothing in life and are found hanging out all over the Emirates after midnight. With the rise of the sun, they go in their beds. Guess they just following an old English saying “Early to bed, Early to rise”. For sure they do go to bed real early in the morning.

No matter if they are illiterate, unemployed or working in a very low post, yet they live a life no less than of a Sheikh. Nothing can ever match their tastes. Not having a single fils in their wallet, they are seen driving around in luxurious cars, possessing the latest mobiles, watches, clothes and spending on others.
Wonder where all this cash is coming in from when not having anything? Well this is the secret of being a Balushi :D

The most famous gangsters of the Emirates are the Balushis. Nowadays you will find alot of Bangalis imitating them, but these poor people are always hit back by their natural looks, as can easily be identified. Wherever there is an illegal thing to be done, the Balushis are always the first in the queue. Be it Bustan of Ajman, Umm Khanoor of Sharjah or even Satwa of Dubai, they are very well recognized for their good deeds.

The Balushis, who do realize what life means; settle back and start their production company. One marriage is never enough and it’s a challenge among them to have the highest number of wives and children.

But one advantage of being a Balushi in Emirates is WASTA. Just having the surname “Balushi” it’s enough to sort out any problem.

The Tale Of The RED LICENSE PLATE

Possessing a red license plate, be it a Lamborghini or an Echo, a local or an expat, you can find them driving on the roads as if it belongs to their fathers. Just coz of that tin plate they talk as if they know everything and feel themselves too much superior than the rest. Back on the roads, if by mistake you do request them to give way; they in return will just slow down their speed than the dead speed they already are driving, and ignore the increasing number of cars behind. Will go to any extent to annoy other drivers on the road.

They act as if they are the law creators and are exceptional from following the laws. But I have seen plenty back on Emirates Highway, begging to be forgiven for breaking the law. Forgiven or fined, they are a dog’s tail, which never can be straightened.

A best solution when you face such drivers not giving way. Be kind and overtake without disturbing them, and once in front, you’re the KING. Go ahead and hit the brakes on their face or drive like an ass as they were doing. This may make no difference between you and them, but with a dog, one has to be a dog. Be it a road of 100km/hr or 80km/hr, these people will drive at a speed no more than 40 or even lesser.

The Worst thing they always do is block the fast track. Least bothered if someone is in an emergency or has some importance to move faster. These big red head drivers, are least bothered to change tracks. Do the same to them and they will go psycho, catch up abusing you, teaching the road law or will try to scare one by bringing their cars close enough to cause an accident.

Remember one rule while driving- No one will ever want their vehicle to have a dent. So next time if you find someone bringing his car closer, scaring you that he is going hit you. Never move away, instead move in closer yourself. Freak him away.

Above all this, these drivers have no patience. If there is a blocked road, they use the hard shoulder. If there’s a queue on a U-Turn, they go all the way ahead and jump in. Give them way, they don’t even bother saying thanks. Request for way, they will stick their car bumper to bumper with the car ahead, just a relief they find in not cooperating on roads. Everywhere they want themselves to be the first.

They may have their power back in AD, (which they don’t in reality) but once out of their borders, their power and style is all over. Every weekend the red plates can be spotted girl-watching and giving away their numbers back in Sharjah bu7aira, in old Souq and in Ajman corniche. But it’s quite fun watching them, especially when they are rejected. To make the whole scene even more enjoyable, just crack up laughing loud, letting them know they were being watched.

If you ever get to see any vehicle with a red license registration outside AD, make sure you take out the guts of that driver, whether innocent or not. Just Do It!

The Mighty Sher Khans

Might be very well known for their strength and bravery, but they have the best IQ level in the world- “ZERO”. As when it comes to the thinking part, they just sit back and stare and keep staring. Ask any Pathan a simple question and you will get a beautiful non expected stupid answer. Though we are living in the 21st Century, yet these people are living a life similar as was back in the Stone Age time.

A simple tip - As long as you are calm with them, they are a safe human species. But the moment they loose their temper, they transform into barbarians. Not thinking what the consequences would be, or why in the first place are they fighting. More than words they use the movement of their solid fists. Wonder if Arnold Schwarzenegger is also one of them.

Their best business in the Emirates, is the transportation industry. From the birth of UAE, these people have been driving taxis. All these years they were living a relaxing free life. Worked in their own mood and in their own style. But with the introduction of the meter taxi companies, their lifestyle got doomed. For sure they are the in the top list of worst drivers.

An incident where a friend faced with a Pathan taxi driver. Normally from his place to the Souq he pays 5 Dirhams. So sat in a taxi and arriving the destination the taxi guy asks for 8 Dirhams. My friend, refusing to pay 3 Dirhams extra, starts arguing with the driver. Finally the taxi driver tells him to get in the car and close the door. Mr. Smart guy took my friend back to the spot from where he was picked and told him to get off and to find another taxi for himself.

They became famous throughout the world when, Americans invaded Afghanistan. With no modern ammunitions, yet they are brave enough to face the world’s superpower. I guess all this strength comes from their energy powder, known as Niswaar (I think). A green stinky stuff which they place under their lips. Possible they might have watched too many episodes of Popeye getting his energy from eating spinach. But this stinky thing is enough to make someone faint or even die. Plus I have heard that this stuff is strong enough to kill a deadly cobra. Without the supply of their own energy stuff, they themselves cannot live a second in this planet.

Pathans are great story makers. I do get to hear a lot of amazing fake unbelievable stories. In their stories it is a must to include themselves, and always are the hero. To them they are the world’s one and only smartest species, but till date I have found them no different than the Sardars.

They cover their women from head to toe. Most of the time, even the women, are kept indoors. True it’s a good thing protecting them; as a woman is said to be the respect of the house. But when doing so, they should first know their own limits. If they keeping their ladies away from the world’s eyes. Then they should also keep their eyes away from others women. The pathans, here in the Emirates are found to be the biggest despos. They not only keep an eye on women, but are very much attracted to the male gender. Even just staring with their huge headlight sized eyes; one can get freaked out.
Once I got a glimpse of a Pashto movie clip, in Rolla Square. There was this big fat hippo lady in tight leather clothes, and the camera was focused on her moving ass. A couple of pathans standing aside were watching closely with their mouths open 2 feet wide. If this scene was in real, then for sure they would have pounded like a lion on that hippo.

For my Shabaab brothers, be alert when being with a Pathan, they are always hunting around for innocent little boys.

Majority of them can be found back in Al Ain, am sure Ahmed has a good experience with them.

Karak Shai, Anyone?

No doubt UAE started off with the Indian Ruppees. But ever since these Mallu's (Malabari's) have spread here like locusts. Today they are more than 40% in the population rate. If they had a little courage, this country would long been taken over by them. Imagine yourself living in United Malabar Emirates. The same way how the Filippinos later spread and today the Chinese are. Seeing them, I always wonder if there are any remaining male species back in their own country. Name one spot here in UAE where therez no Mallu?

Like earlier the Canadians were blamed for taking up the best jobs with best pay. These Mallus have taken up the remaining jobs with the lowest pay. Leaving us in the middle with nothing. No matter what you offer them, they will shake their head sideways, agreeing. They are the fastest non stop speaking people I have seen talking. A whole sentence ends in less than a second. A very tough language to learn, or even making out what words they use. Worst thing among them, they never teach an outsider their language, but will learn everything from others. Where ever they got their own management in a company, they will recruit people from their own land, not giving a chance to a deserving person. They come with zero knowledge and learn everything within a very short time. Very well know for being back stabbers.

Their whole earning goes in purchasing gold or just saving every single fils in the bank. They are ready to work for a complete of 24 hours, but won't spend a single fils on themselves. A unique cast of humans me seen, beat them to death, but they will not utter a word. Ofcourse they will abuse you in their non stop language :D They not so innocent.

Above all they are the worst drivers, even worse than women drivers, I say . At least women keep looking at themselves in the mirror. These people look a hundred times all around and yet fear to change a track. At a traffic light, they stop all of a sudden seeing a yellow light. Anyone behind directly bangs in their ass. From the day these private driving institutes have started, everyday you will find more than 10 new fear filled Malabaris on the road. But its fun driving around them and freaking them out of the way :D

Back in Sharjah, every Friday, from every corner of the Emirates, they all gather up in Rolla (Arooba Street) at Rolla Square. This place gets so crowded, theres no place even to sit. Even if you find a place to stand, consider yourself lucky enough. I remember some years back during the amnesty period. Every day and night I could see them waiting and sleeping in a long queue on the footpath in front of the labour office, to exit without paying fines for living illegal. More than thousands left daily at that time, yet there has been no difference in their quantity. Instead everyday its multiplyingNot to forget, whatever they eat, whether brakfast, lunch or dinner, everything has bananas and coconuts included.

No matter how low paid they are or on what positions they are working. But they got the best wasta everywhere in this country. Even more than balushi has got.

Canada Dry - A Special Request For Diva Tainted

One of my fave drinks. But always wonder why there aren't 1.5 ltrs for this drink. One possible reason Canadians are born ba7eel. Having themselves a huge piece of land, with all types of natural climates and resources. Yet they are not satisfied and are migrating here in this tiny hot frying pan. Are they coming here to get tanned ? Expats in Emirates are all saving up and migrating to Canada, in a hope for a better future. Nowadays i find locals also moving out. If there is a future there, then why are these Canadians leaving their own motherland ?

If these people wish to do a job abroad, why not look in USA, which is huge, closer to them and loaded with opportunites. But no, they prefer to fly more than 14 hours, all the way from the freezer to live in the oven. Like the Europeans and Americans; the Canadians are also equally involved in rising the rate of unemployment within the Emaraat.

Where there's a vacancy, these people are given the highest priority for the post. No matter if they are illiterate or unexperienceed. Just cause of their nationality they are welcomed first. Above all they given a good pay, a luxury car for transport and a palace sized furnished villa or apartment. If the same case was for an Asian, he would get an income no more than a thousand dirhams, transportation would be in an unairconditioned bus, or would be told to arrange it by himself, plus sharing accomodation with 10 people in one room.

A real strange thing me found; Is seeing them skiing and playing with snow in the Mall of Emirates. They look so excited as if they never seen snow in their life. Though more than half of their own land is covered with snow all 365 days.

One important thing, for those who wish to migrate to Canada. Never go through an agent. They are all thieves. A freind of mine has badly been robbed by these people and in the end he was told that the Embassy refused the visa. For more than a year he was given hopes that he is qualified enough to get the visa and there would be no problem. But in the end all hopes drained. Best way to apply for migration is to directly apporach the Canadian Embassy and there's a very simple and low cost procedure.

Jerusalem To Burj Al Arab

One of the ancient cast of the arabs. And of the worst in today's world. The Palestanians, here in Emirates are living a wonderful life no less than the locals. All well supported by government and yet they all keep crying, they got nothing. Taking complete advantage of their country's situation, they sure are looting people around. Let it be begging, fraud or business. One can find most of these people here begging, that also with clean ironed clothes, all well in health and above all, in their best make-up. Some are so cheap that even when being refused to be given anything, yet they come back and stick in the hope to get something.

During Ramadan they are all found in a queue collecting zakat fro mevery charity organisation. That's every member of the family is standing in the row. The ones who are in reality need of funds and support are always left behind.

Hear a Palestanian talk, they go on saying such religious prayers, Hadiths which really amaze someone. But all these mean nothing to them. Only words coming out from their throat. Like previously said about Egyptians, the Palestanians are no less. They always with the people where they find some benefit, the rest are all useless and minor to them. They follow a policy of - you being nice and in favour of them, they will lift you on their shulders; the day you say or do a small thing against them, they will throw you deep down.

The ones living here in Emarat, are not even bothered what so ever is going back in their nation.But do take complete advantage of the situation. They all have migrated and living here with their football team size familys. The Arab world has been supporting Palestine for more than I can recall. Millions of dollars, food, clothing and support is continously being sent. Where is this all disappearing? If such an amount was sent to a country like India, poverty would long back been disappeared.

If these people had a little of self respect, they would never use Islam as their living. One more thing which I don't understand is when they have sold their lands to the Jews, and when Jewish settlement increased and gained power, why are they now wanting back soemthing which they don't own anymore ?

Spread of the Clones

From the last few years, if you notice the Chinese cast are widely spreading throughout the Emirates. They sure have destroyed the whole market, with their own products. But every lane I walk, there has to be a Chinese around. They have a law of having one child, yet they are infinite to count. Their currency is very low, they come from a poor country. Yet they all are doing their own business and in major commercial areas, where is all this finance coming from?

The most amaznig thing in them is they are all look alikes. Who is who is one problem, bigger problem, both genders even have no difference in looks. They sure lack beauty in them. How people are attracted, is a real unique thing. Afterall everyone got their own unique taste. These Chinese are hitten back cause of their English language, or else they would have conquered the whole Dubai market.

Try talking to just one of them and you will end up pulling out your own hair. Like I said above, they may lack beauty, but they got BRAINS. And this brain of their doesnt work in creating products, but in making exact copies of originals. Like their ownselves, their products are also look alikes to the originals.

The speed they spreading here, I think in the coming future i may see a duplicate of myself too.

The Homous Chickz

They possess a natural beauty and can be known as the devils of the earth. The only thing they been successfull is in robbing us boys. And I think its their only business. With the start of every month these girls open up their directory and throw in the bait to make in their demands. on the Second day of every month they disappear out , very well aware that the person is all broke.

No human is created 100% perfect. These babes may have the beauty, but once their mouth opens, they no different than an Opera singer. They dont even need a telephone to call back home, its loud enough to reach back.

I remember once a friend at work said that in Abu Dhabi Carrefour, a Morrocan girl was workin in the cosmetic section. Describing her looks and his conversation with her, made everyone just stare and hear him, and also said he had got her number. For that day, he was the hero :D But then my colleugues kept saying that shez just a cheap woman, and advising him to better stay away.

Best part, the very same evening, my whole department was found in Carrefour, looking for the girl. I guess her badluck was bad, or this could have been equal to winning a lottery.